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Moleman’s Epic Rap Battles #45: Garnet Vs. Firestorm
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We could think about what gimmicks convolute our history:
Mixups with Russians, nature-forces and Yoruba witchery,
And we could think of crises wrought on our identity…
Yes, surely…
…But today, let’s only think of flaming enemies with fury!
Hey, here comes a question most alarming; not to be dismissed,
And one whose comprehension won’t take an atomic physicist:
Why let a contest measure merger-might to choose from we and you
When the answer is plainer than combining two plus freaking two?!
Don’t get too cocky, Ronald; let’s see this done as it ought to be:
Transmute lit lyrics from raw beats, and lecture blockheads properly!
It’s gonna be a far cry from your Brightest Day; I’m going dark,
With aims to end this in a Flash just like my debut story arc!
Complete transparency, now; tip: skip on a kicked-in butt tonight.
Called on and dared to speak out? Quit, not even picking up the mic!
You see your worth as apt for some Gem-world princess, or even goddess,
Yet I wouldn’t appraise your value at one-half Nicki Minaj’s!
It’s a lock, and un-jail-breakable, at that: you’re getting blasted;
Your cut’s unfit for this face-off, falling flat in every facet.
Why, it’s evident: our foe lacks proper grasp of her position,
Just as suits the fruit of reckless, raw romance at first collision!
Molecules are being rewritten, spelling death for sucker golems;
Souring your Sugar sweetness!
That reminds me of a poem… how’s it go?
A Ruby’s red, and a Sapphire’s colored blue;
When they’re together, all the better to set fire onto you!

It seems your touted tangibility-tweaking tricks are getting screwy:
Though plainly made with fazing aims, your statements phase directly through me!
Fisticuffs raised to the max, I’ll put it heavy-handedly:
This space-borne stone immortal’s here to Vandalize you Savagely!
Don’t think the balanced bond behind a harmonizing master humbled
By the body-bunking counterpart of Simon and Garfunkel;
You’re the one Nuclear waste it’s best to keep left in the ashcan:
That brute in Supes’ ill-fated Quest for Peace was less a hack, man!
Your own saw Lanterns, Squads, the Reds and A-bombs quell your mission;
That’s as jacked up as your black successor’s break on television!
You’d do well to fission: squishies risk affliction, sticking to that kind of nexus;
It’s as if you’re mixing in black clouds in morning-time for breakfast.
Hawking off your power-set as something there’s no reproducing?
Your old flame Lorraine objects, and check that shared New 52 scene!
Take me on? You’re tripping; I could go all Summer Day,
Mad-laughing as you’re curse-slapped, your collapse one stone’s throw-down away!

I’d hardly call that verse a gem, but do see you’re impassioned;
Now, brace for an opposite, unequal nuclear reaction!
I’d advise you set about disarming; keep at trying to battle,
And you’ll only fall apart, so turn around, three-eyes: skedaddle!
Put a bubble on your gushing pride, and hear just what I’m made of:
Nobel Prize-commemorated brains and brawn prime for the playoffs…
Oh, and right: the atoms’ might, infused not in a tiny me,
But through a union whose inducement gets them splitting violently!
The irony…
These elements comprising me like father, son and holy ghost,
Your cotton candy composition couldn’t come remotely close;
These bogglers are built to leave your flipping mind
As broken as that gay love metaphor between two different kinds!
Pursuing this is straight-up suicidal; heed some good advice:
Lest you be undone swiftly as a Slipknot, fleeing would be wise!
Hmm… knots, you say?
Tying yours sure garnered fandom’s queerness-touting cheers.
What an accomplishment; it merely took damn-near six thousand years!
Our souls, conjoining, form an epic entelechy, knowing which,
Forgo all hopefulness of cloning this, as shown amiss with Soviets,
You cloying, kitschy clod! As for the riffs you spit haphazardly,
Those bare-bones bars have less meat than the prick who nicked your anthem, G!
Ours? Fine-tuned to the quantum level; spliced into arrangements
Set to shake your union to the brink of thrice-induced estrangement,
And don’t count on pulling back together, damaged faith restored,
‘Cause just the two of us are stronger than your whole volcanic Megazord!

Yeah, I’d imagine you’d know all about that, Orange Ranger,
But your floating mentor-head ought to have warned you to the danger;
What if I told you you’ll be blindsided, both blacking-out in quick turn,
When I yank you from the Matrix like my name was Laurence Fishburne?
Known to wreck hard-headed haters, your hot one’ll prove no different,
As part-timing casuals get taught the sum of true commitment!
Wanna see a giant of a power couple? I’m your girl; espouse its meaning:
Steady-rocking since mankind, they say, was still fresh out of Eden!
Plus, your Time Squad of a secret team can bite me;
Your whole future’s at an end, and naught will tweak it, even slightly!
I mean, blimey: screw false pretense for some cackling magician bull;
That mind-entrapping weeks-long bender? Flatly unforgivable!
I’m dropping bombs; the biggest Ron, his mommy or his pops have seen,
For overkill to match the namesake of a poor man’s Constantine:
Destabilizing deconstruction, it’ll make them draw a blank.
I’d call your deal a nature-crime; rechristen Raymond: "Ronnie Frank"!

You say your bodyguard-love schtick will never come to dissolution,
Like a pair of mutant, midget technicolor Whitney Houstons!
Think we’ll have a problem here?
Now, that’s bananas! We’ll be home by daylight,
NASA asked that she’s seen, fee-free, to her own, one-way flight!
Girl, your jointly self-absorbed felicity’s an utter joke;
Make threats of dropping bombs, and watch your dignity go up in smoke!
You’re unprepared for prime time, Gemmy! How can you expect to win this
When your origin got upstaged by a Robot Chicken Christmas?
From N.Y.C. streets to Justice Leagues, we’ve made ourselves a name;
You’ve kept ones shared with countless drones, all bred and trained to be the same!
I live up to and past the heights of my Star-Spangled heritage;
You aren’t worth your own weight at the ideal price per carat, bitch:
You’re meritless! You call those palette-swapped foam Hulk props on you gauntlets?
Come at me with them, and catch a flaming knuckle through the faceplate!
Your lame cheeto P.S.A. coach couldn’t top this all-new hotness,
So if you can’t stand the heat, beam back on up into your safe space.
See all notions that it’s nearly so severely hard to beat her
Shattered like the trust invested in her dear, departed leader!
You perceive self-value more-than-constituting both your parts’ sum,
But the math says otherwise; check any jewelry broker’s charts, hon!
Half of you served in a royal court as its official seer;
You’ve gone some kind of third-eye-blind, though, if this isn’t crystal-clear:
You don’t look awesome, and it’s time you went to bed!
Now close the deal!
I’ll let your godson know that what you did today was choke, for real!

Oh, you’ll find no exhaustion here; I’m far from prone to break a sweat:
When I wipe the floor with phony-hot shits, it’s liable to wind up painted red!
It’s viable to say I’ve wholly got this: child’s play, though only for Garnet;
Joining in on it? You’re gonna get rolled and left cold, all your folks going: "Oh no, they are dead."
Try on a total toxin-taste: raw space-rock rhymes, created ground-up,
Like your Ogaden oasis, the fate of which I wouldn’t take it you’re too proud of.
A tenth-level belter, I rep rebel melders:
Test against my mettle? Best inject some Nth; augment your cells, or get to shelter!
It’s a song of ice and fire; when you’re packing just the latter,
Your whole rhythm-ride’s implosion-bound, and plasma’s gonna splatter.
As for your nuclear family values? I’m beyond such rigid norms,
With Multiplex strengths, all rolled up inside one monolithic form!
Ever-flowering, love letter-showered, empowering, towering gay-romantic titan,
Shade thrown my way’s, with a hand-flick, reflected, and BAM: it’s the source who sees dishonor.
Dominant during debates, dissent-drainingly as any achromatic tyrant,
Try shouting this down, and watch me unshakenly pluck out your core; ensure you’ll be a goner!




Martin Stein:
How’s Stein’s schooling session’s starting something Sapph’s supposed to handle?
Kindergarten rooms have brought her whole proud pairing to a standstill!
Singlehandedly one-upping that accursed menagerie,
Observe: in verse, a worse-disturbing blasphemy!
Your present-perspicacity has faltered from foresight-fixation; your taste in soulmates shows, for starters:
Even Jason never sunk to such low standards with his partners!
When this atomic architect takes to the floor,
The only overhyped-up ship that’s headed for a wreck is yours!

I see a glorified Jiminy Cricket with a nonexistent sex life.
He will find less clemency afforded here than with his ex-wife!
You’ve not met a Crystal cold to you as this; you’d better hide:
No psycho on any of infinite Earths could hope to sway me to your side.
Your Doomsday Clock is ticking; precognition needn’t spell what’s gonna happen,
When the baddest blue boss bombshells ’bout you break since Doc Manhattan’s!
This alleged Legend won’t see tomorrow: it’s apparent you’ll be slaughtered;
Deploring the oracle was a mistake just as aberrant as your daughter!

Martin Stein:
Hey, h- …Oh, why should I fall back onto dumb distraction-tunes,
When you’re as prone to cause your own strikeout, all while we shoot the moon?
Cut with the C.R.A.P.; let this theory of mine be self-fulfilled: you’ll cease to diss me,
Lest I cut your lifeline like your Greek ancestors three from Disney!

If that Titanic travesty of trite trash-talk’s all you’ve got,
Then it’s no inner-fascist speaking when I say you should be shot!
Though I’d have warned you, that would be to squander breath for me; I know this:
You’d be heedless even with a quarter-century of notice!

Hit the streets, relapsed to homelessness: you’ll want to keep anonymous;
A fuming-to-the-brim stone’s bent on bringing your Apokalips!
The CW can have Ms. Kane informed on termination:
There was no room for her once this Ruby rose to the occasion!

Ronnie Raymond:
It was plain why you would be a cowboy: shit got polarizing.
Now, take one more comic page to heart: ride into the horizon;
No horsebacking, though! Try force-propelled ascension through the sky;
Yo, when you get to space’s vacuum, tell your brethren I said "Hi",
And like the Happy of those five red dwarves reneged on standing with you,
Just back down from whence you’ve stepped up. Better yet, abandon ship, too!
Gangster-rapping worthily of some Dakotaversal bang-baby,
Watch this meta-S.T.A.R. extinguish your eternal flame, baby!

Funny you’d mention horizons: the events that I discern
Are painting you abyss-inbound, and past the point of no return!
Your jerkhole gripes and talking smack? I wouldn’t fly to such judgments, were I to be you;
Full-circled like a Tokamak, your lapped back attacks will bite you something entirely new!

Ronnie Raymond:
A tempered temper lends to endless energy attained to blow through;
Rage has got you burning out, and that’s my okay to K.O. you,
So let’s leave the hero business to myself and the professor,
Making sure they’ll see the written notice of your surrend

Have you turned your own brains to jelly?! You’re intoxicated; face it:
Flying off the rails, you’ll plummet to rock bottom, getting wasted!
I’m out to bring hurt beyond mere heartbreak, and thus, your wounds yet need more salting,
Like your record’s blackest mark, which Rusch won’t soon let be forgotten!
Sapphire: That was rotten, alright; biting to look back upon as Sodom’s burning.
White light this night, too, will end your torment, though with no returning!
Ruby: Or, in more straightforward wording: DIE. You must be nuts,
‘Cause if the wedding stage didn’t clue you in…
R+S: Today belongs to us!

Martin Stein:
I’ll gladly rain on your reunion, jerks; it’s time to face the truth:
You’re plainly out of it as any circus sideshow saber-tooth!
Ronnie Raymond: If the professor is the passenger beside my pilot, punks,
That puts you as the ones blindfolded, bound and gagged inside our trunk!
Firestorm: You’ve walked Earth since prehistory?
Well, let’s address the elephant…
A flung-back Furby’s apt to outpace your epochal relevance!
You’ll soon return to purpose-lacking, playing parent off the table,
Once our ‘verses clash, and Steven takes an arrow in the navel!

Dude; leukemia is one thing, but those bars of your creation?
Sapphire: Cancerous beyond the help of your most cosmic incarnation!
R+S: Striking with a shadow’s subtle grace, yet shining steel’s lethality,
You may think it’s Injustice, but we’re winning by fatality! (Frosty!)
(*♪, ♪-♪-♪, ♪-♪*)
Garnet: You’re getting throttled,
Harder than you dropped the ball with Brainiac’s whole ship of bottles!
Take a moment to think, now, of just how very wrong you were, disputing me:
A clear-cut polymerized paragon; let no-con-fusion be.

The trigger word’s been stated! Now, my trap is activated;
Thus, the trump card’s played in my fair maiden’s name, so sayeth I!
The coming game’s experience? You bums should take to fearing it,
Because it’s time to D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-DIE!

Blue-Eyes Ultimate Dragon:
I’m the overkill O.G. of owning old O.C.G. scenes; don’t test me:
M.C. B.E.U.D. on the track? Best bet that it’s your Death-T!
I inflict direct attacks; take life points down to zero, no doubt,
For this joke of a Gem-Knight and Elemental HERO dropout!
I drop right on in, without a brutal cost; sans Cyber-Stein:
Bring triple threats, converging onto Ruby, Ron, Sapphire and Stein!
You’re all exhausted; left defenseless as a goblin-force one-shotter:
Losing hands dealt to you all played-out, and now I strike like Yata
Garasu, to lock you pussy Fusionists in strangleholds!
You’d never bend my will in shining armor forged of rarest gold.
In terms of targets fixed upon you, you’ll have no chance to Scapegoat it:
One fell burst-stream’s zapping your whole sheepish quartet of components!
Weighing you against me, the Millennium Scales will tip so hard,
You’ll catapult, with robo-turtles wishing they could flick as far.
You’re standing on the edge; ensuing shock is sure to wreck your balance,
Come the baddest dragon’s dark discharge from his Zorc Necrophallus!
Need I spell it out? Your destiny is FINAL; undisputed!
As for changing fate, moreover, that’s my job, with gods tributed!
Crushing you, why would I spring some virus? That ain’t worth my time,
When all your values at their highest couldn’t match a third of mine!
The legend that began it all: oft-mimicked, never replicated.
My pot runneth over; it’s not necessary to explain it!
You’ll beg for some shadow penalty, such twistedness you’ll face;
For those who come in behind Blue-Eyes, a Limp Bizkit’s what they taste!

Self-special-summoning into our double-duel? Screw that whole deal;
If I had wanted a royale, I’d just be playing Battlefield!
Blue-Eyes Ultimate Dragon: Don’t drag this out with dialogue, delaying; I haven’t got all day,
And when this card is heartless to you, how can you so much as pray?
Garnet: Well, I’d say you’ve let your defenses down, and I ain’t talking misprints:
Your effect on me’s, put simply as your text box, nonexistent!

Blue-Eyes Ultimate Dragon:
It’s the rapper-kingdom finals, whelp; that isn’t gonna fly:
Those one-star-studded gauntlets plainly tell that you’re unqualified!
I’ve got you insects flipping out, but doing so won’t serve to bite me,
For your lot’s too basic!
…Let alone worthy to ride me,
While I shine on ever brightly, even scaled down for the big screen;
Steal the thunder of Gate-Guards: my lyrics’ layout’s labyrinthine!
This collective looks combustion-bound, face flared up; in a frenzy,
But I’ve felled far more infernal red-eyed monsters full of envy.
Cards here stacked against you steeper still than Reshef of Destruction,
White light’s sealing your demise, so though you guessed correct on one thing,
Know my arsenal’s evolved to make for new alternatives;
With chaos rituals to maximize the pain, I’ll burn you, bitch!
Watch me send this three-eyed sucker straight to the grave; negate a compensating deck search:
End malformed mashups’ miseries, like the doggy saying "Edward"!

Oh, you can banish that shit; try, instead, Fullmetal Jacket,
‘Cause I have to ask it: what is your mammoth malfunction, maggot?!
Firestorm: I have had it with these Muto-fighting dragons, coalesced as one,
But for us coming back from this hijacking, hopes look next to none…
Our best’s yet unexhausted…
Garnet: The sole option left to take here…
Firestorm: …Should we all agree we want it.
Garnet: …Would be nuclear in nature.
Firestorm: Are you thinking what I am?
Garnet: I don’t think that’s how fusion works.
Firestorm: Well, screw the rules; we have fan fiction logic!
Garnet: Let’s just do this, jerk…


Know your last-minute winning plays; details: I take no pleasure in this
As I bust loose from our tightest spot and get direct to business,
No less vocal for it, mind you, while I counter-steal the show,
And finish what your master started, with one down, and three to go!
These blows will knock you sideways, keeping up the damage all the same,
With meteoric impacts fit to fuel your blackest rival’s flames!
I’m breaking your sustaining chains; those of my components’ restraint, too:
But four pieces here need come together to obliterate you!
Brightly-blazing stone conglomerate, far from some shadow puppet:
Mega-mixture; this vanilla triple-dipper can go shove it!
If you’re triple-A, call me the alphabet’s whole backmost leg;
No Toonish trickery required, I’ll deflect attacks all day!
My fighting spirit’s too intense to stay; my presence here is fleeting,
But the Last Turn is upon us, and you’re set for searing beating!
Wanna end this with a draw? I’ll go Berserker, then: get violent,
And remake Destroy All Monsters; stomp out this tri-headed tyrant.








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